Dragon Ball NG Chapter 7: Gosu & Panko's Excellent Adventure
Gosu, Chitsu, and their new companion Panko, a dog, were driving along, with their sights set on the Dragon Balls.
"What are these Dragon Balls, anyway?" Panko asked.
"There these 7 balls, and when you get them together you can get two wishes granted!" Gosu said.
"Hmm. Dragon Balls.
Heh, poor Dragon." Panko joked. He and Gosu both laughed, while Chitsu
shrugged. Now she had two crude jokers along with her on this trip.
"Ugh, you guys are both so immature!" Chitsu complained.
get off your high horse." Panko said. "People like you always hate
having a little fun. Oh well, at least you've got a nice rack, so who am
I to complain?"
"You can say that again!" Gosu joked.
Chitsu was about ready to chop their heads off. "You sure don't have much tact, do you?"
"Hey, don't get mad because I call everything like I see it." Panko retorted.
Just as she was driving, Chitsu felt a sensation hit her. She had to go to the bathroom. "Uh…guys, I have to stop for a second."
"Why, need to change your tampon?" Panko joked. Him and Gosu exchanged a high five.
"No, you idiot! I have to pee!" Chitsu said as she stopped the car and stepped out.
"Eh, close enough…" Panko said.
went to the bushes. When she finished her, ahem, business, she turned
around and saw a bunch of smoke coming from the same area as the car.
going on?" She asked. She was afraid that something happened to the
car. She stepped out the bushes to see what was happening.
is everything oka-" Chitsu was certainly startled by what she saw. The
car was there, but Gosu and Panko were sitting on it, smoking a joint in
"Are you two kidding me?" Chitsu said. "You're carrying weed with you? Do you have any idea what would happen if we got caught with that.
Panko was giggling. "H-hey, y-you need to s-stop talking…so loud, man…"
"Oh man, this is some GOOD SHIT, man…" Gosu said. "I forgot how this felt."
"You do this too, Gosu?" Chitsu asked.
"Of course! What else am I gonna do when I'm bored and not hungry? Read? Please." Gosu answered.
who cares?" Chitsu decided. "Your weed habit isn't important now, we
have to worry about the Dragon Balls. Let's get in the car."
Well, Panko and Gosu certainly attempted to get in the car. But they had temporarily lost the ability to open a car.
"Uh, dude, something's wrong with the handle." Gosu said. He was pushing instead of pulling it.
"Yeah, man…" Panko was in a similar predicament.
shook her head and shrugged. She opened both of their doors. "There,
you idiots! Now get i-" All of a sudden, a huge bird, that seemed to be a
Pterodactyl flew by and grabbed her. It continued flying in the air as
Chitsu screamed for help. Gosu and Panko looked up, trying to make out
"Hey, w-was that a bird?" Gosu asked.
"I-I think it is, man." Panko answered.
that was a big bird." Gosu said in amazement. "Hey man, do you think
there are other big birds like that? Like, I bet if we followed that,
there'd be some big ORGANIZATION of big birds, man."
know what you're saying. I think it's some big conspiracy from the
government. They did some experiment on the birds that went terribly
wrong, and now they're trying to hiding it from us." They were true
philosophers. "Dude, we're the only ones that know about this! We gotta
find out more about this and tell everyone!"
"Yeah man, let's go!" Gosu said. "Wait a minute, where's Chitsu?"
The two of them looked around and Chitsu wasn't in sight.
"Dude, I think that bird took her." Panko said.
"Oh man, we have to warn her about the big bird organization!" Gosu warned. "They might try to turn her into one of them, man!"
crap, that might be the next step of the government's plan – to turn
the entire population into giant birds!" Panko said. "We have to stop
"Let's go!" Gosu said. He grabbed the Dragon Radar to track Chitsu's location as they left.
I think my IQ dropped after writing that.
Meanwhile, Lord Teba, Retasu, Bobo, and Reina were all walking around looking for a place that sells tires.
"Damn that kid for making us do this." Lord Teba complained. "He threw are search off substantially."
"I think I found what appears to be a gas station." Retasu said.
Teba and the rest of the gang tried to look as closely as they could.
"How the hell can you see that far? Oh well, who cares, let's go!" They
all walked to the gas station and eventually, they found another place
next to it called, "Mack's Big Ass Tires."
"Hey, look, a tire place!" Lord Teba pointed out. They all ran in.
to Mack's Big Ass Tires!" A man with a bandana and red flannel vest
said. "We have all of your tire needs – trucks, wagons, you name it!"
"Um, do you have wheels for planes?" Lord Teba asked.
"Plane wheels?" The man asked, dumbfounded. "I mean, we have them, but…"
"Just give them to us!" Lord Teba demanded.
"You're gonna need show me a pilot's license to buy one." The man explained.
"What kind of crap is that? You don't do that with car tires, so why do you that for this?" Lord Teba protested.
"Well, it's not every day that someone comes in and asks for airplane tires." He said.
decided to step in. He had what he thought was the perfect plan. "Look,
sir, we don't have problems, but you leave us no choice." Bobo said,
digging in his pocket. Even Lord Teba was intrigued. He didn't know what
Bobo was thinking of doing. Bobo pulled out a capsule and threw it to
the ground, revealing a huge battle robot. Both Retasu and Lord Teba's
expressions changed from intrigue to severe disappointment.
are you seriously retarded?" Lord Teba asked. "Why didn't you bring
that out in the first place? We could've all went in it and found the
Dragon Balls from there without having to go through all of this!"
"Sorry, sir , I didn't think about that." Bobo said.
"You don't seem to think about anything, do you?" Retasu insulted. He was just as frustrated as Teba.
"Well, I don't want to feel like I came here for nothing, so give us the tires man." Lord Teba said.
"Look, like I already told you, you're gonna need a license." The man responded.
Lord Teba stepped inside the robot. "Do I need to repeat myself?"
The owner knew that even though he had rules to uphold, that didn't mean anything in the face of the threat just posed to him.
"Okay, okay, you made your point." The owner said. "I'll get them from the back."
"See? Things get done so quicker once you're willing to cooperate!" Lord Teba said as he stepped out of the mech.
again, I have to ask you, Bobo: why the hell didn't you bring that out
in the first place? Now who knows what happened to the rest of the
"I'm sorry sir, I was just so worried that it
slipped my mind." Bobo explained. "But once this situation came up, the
convenience brought it back to my head."
"See, you've got to learn
to be able to think on your head in times of crisis." Lord Teba
explained. "It's how I've gotten to the prestigious position I'm in
Reina objected to that notion. "Um, sir, need I remind you
that you were working at a fast food restaurant while living in a cheap
apartment on a four-figure income before this and only got the tower and
all of the technology through inheritance?"
important!" Lord Teba snapped back, quickly trying to stray away from
the conversation. Conveniently for him, the man came out rolling an
airplane tire. It was huge.
"Here, take it. Now please leave." The
owner said. Retasu grabbed the tire and in an amazing display of
strength, lifted it up over his head. Lord Teba left and the other three
followed suit. The owner was impressed by Retasu's strength.
"Wow, they didn't even need to bring the mech out." He remarked.
all walked ahead, eventually making it to the plane. Bobo pulled a tire
jack from the back of the plane and attached the tire to the plane.
Lord Teba was still impressed by Retasu's display of strength.
Retasu, you sure have gotten stronger in the last few months. I'm
impressed." Lord Teba commented. Retasu didn't say anything he just sort
of nodded. That was the first genuine compliment Lord Teba had ever
given him, although he didn't think much of it. Anyway, the tire was
fully attached to the plane. Lord Teba checked the radar.
"Crap, the Dragon Ball in this area is gone! It's completely out of this area!" He said.
"Do you think that kid was lying, then?" Reina asked.
didn't think of that." Teba said in a sarcastic tone. "No matter,
that's not the only Dragon Ball to find. Let's go." They all entered the
plane and flew off.
Back at the woods, Chitsu was dropped into a
nest that was filled with baby Pterodactyls. She was scared out of her
life. What did they want with her?
"Look, Mister or Misses, I
don't know why you brought me here, but I want to go back, so if you'll
excuse me…" Chitsu tried to leave, but the pterodactyl dropped a huge,
slimy worm into the nest. It was a truly disgusting site, and Chitsu
almost threw up in her mouth for a second. She tried to get out, but
then she saw the steep way down. She couldn't believe that she was stuck
up here. And the worst part is that Gosu and Pankio were baked out of
their minds, so she wasn't even sure they were even aware she was gone.
"GOSU! TALKING DOG! PUT THE WEED DOWN AND RESCUE ME YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.
Gosu and Panko, who were both heading to that location, heard her yell.
"Hey, did you hear that?" Gosu asked.
"Yeah, I think it was the girl with the boobs." Panko said.
"So they haven't turned her into a bird yet!" Gosu said in baked relief. "Unless…THEY'RE TURNING THEM INTO GIANT, TALKINGBIRDS…!"
was panicking. "Oh crap, I never thought about that! The Government
isn't playing around this time, we've gotta hurry, man!" In case you
haven't figured it out yet, these guys were practically on Mars at this
Panko just sort of walked, but he still noticed that Gosu
wasn't following him. He turned around and saw Gosu just staring at a
"Wha-What are you doing?" He asked.
"Man, I've got the munchies!" Gosu said.
worry about that! Do you want the government to turn us into a bunch of
giant, talking birds? If you don't then we've gotta hurry!" Panko said.
Gosu walked up to him and they both stared at each other. Panko was
seeing in triple, and imagined Gosu as a big three-headed Dragon, while
Gosu imagined Panko's head moving to his crotch. They were both laughing
and pointing at each other. Panko quickly snapped out of it.
let's hurry!" He said. Gosu was drooling now. Panko pulled him. Gosu
eventually got with the program and pulled away from Panko and started
walking on his own. Gosu pulled out the Dragon Radar and looked at the
red dot and saw they were getting closer to Chitsu. However, he didn't quite realize
how truly close he was, because he walked straight into the tree that
was holding the nest Chitsu was trapped in. He hadn't clued into the
fact that he was right there and continued making the walking motion
with his feet even though he was stuck.
"How come I'm not moving?" Gosu asked.
hit the tree, dumbass." Panko, who was already climbing said. The high
was obviously fading away from him, although it didn't quite leave Gosu,
obviously. "I don't feel like climbing on my own, so carry me on your
back." Gosu grabbed him and put him on his back as he climbed up.
"Man, do you think the secret service is up there?" Gosu asked.
"I'm starting to think that we were talking crazy back there, kid." Panko pointed out.
"Are you trying to back out on this, now?" Gosu accused, "Are you part of this conspiracy, huh Panko?"
"No, of course not!" Panko said. "I'm just saying, don't you think we just going a little bit over the top in our conversation?"
"Look, I don't know about you, but I
don't want to be turned into a bird. So we need to shut the fuck up and
hurry before they turn Chitsu into one." Gosu concluded. He hurried up.
this point, Chitsu could hear Gosu and Panko's conversation. She was
relieved. But to make sure, she asked, "Hey, is that you guys? Are you
here to rescue me?"
Gosu heard her question. "Hey, Chitsu, is that you?" He asked. "Did they turn you into a bird yet?"
had no idea what the hell they were talking about. "Umm…no? Just hurry
up and get up here!" Gosu climbed into the nest. He ran up to Chitsu and
hugged her. Chitsu quickly pushed him off.
"Thank goodness, you're still a human- OH NO!" Gosu saw all of the baby pterodactyls. "Shit! It's already begun!"
Chitsu was completely confused by what was going on.
worry guys, we'll have you returned to your human forms soon, I
promise!" Gosu said to the baby pterodactyls. They just stared at him.
"But first, we have to put this government operation to rest!"
"What the hell is he talking about?" Chitsu asked Panko.
Panko would rather forget it. "…don't ask."
"That most have been some potent pot." Chitsu remarked.
"You said it…" Panko said.
the big pterodactyl left, but I'm sure she'll be back." Chitsu said.
Just then, she saw the giant bird return to the nest. It descended,
landing hard on the nest. Gosu was in awe and fear.
believe it. We've got to stop them, the government is going out of
control!" Gosu said. "Don't worry, I'll save you, too! I know you're
angry about being turned into a bird, but be patient! I'll take care of
Panko face palmed. Chitsu couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed Gosu and smacked the shit out of him. "SNAP OUT OF IT, DUMBASS!"
That was all it took to bring Gosu back to reality. "Okay, so, uh, we have to save you, right?" He asked.
"Yes." Chitsu said, tired.
this should be quick." Gosu said. He jumped up to the bird and kicked
in the face. Then he grabbed Chitsu and Panko and jumped off the nest,
landing safely on the ground.
"Well damn, that was anticlimactic." Panko pointed out. "All you did was kick it."
cares, I'm back! Now let's hurry up, get in the car, and get that
Dragon ball!" Chitsu said. They all went in the car and drove off.
Chitsu was looking at the Dragon Radar to make sure she was driving in
the right location.
"Say, what are you going to wish for on the Dragon Balls, anyway?" Panko asked.
for the first wish, I want to bring my mom back to life. I don't really
know what I want to do with the second wish." Gosu replied.
"Hey, can you let me have the second wish then?" Panko asked.
"Hold it! The second wish is for me, got it?" Chitsu said. "You'll probably wish for something disgusting anyway."
don't accuse me of that. I actually want to have a huge mansion filled
with all of the girls and money in the world!" Panko said.
"See what I mean?" Chitsu said.
"Oh, don't worry; I'll let you visit, too." Panko said.
"I don't think I'd want to visit, buddy." Chitsu replied.
I wonder whatever happened to that village we robbed. They didn't seem
to happy about what we did. D'ya think they sent somebody after us?"
"Eh, I doubt it." Chitsu answered. "Besides, we're so
far from that village, anyway. But to get off that subject, I've been
noticing that this Dragon Ball we're going after now is moving!"
"That means someone has it. We might have to fight them for it!" Gosu said.
"You're always too eager to fight." Chitsu said.
"Hey, if you do plan on fighting, you better leave me out of it." Panko announced.
"Please, I wouldn't bother asking you to fight." Chitsu replied.
"I'm actually very talented, you know!" Panko snapped back. "I just don't like doing stuff."
Chitsu said, sarcastically. "Anyway, we oughta drive faster so we can
catch up with this Dragon Ball." Chitsu accelerated, and the faster she
drove, the closer she got to the Dragon Ball.
was driving with Yakimo back to his village. He had a long way to go,
but he wanted to make sure he made it. Although he was scared to have to
break the news to his people that he wasn't able to catch those two
thieves. He'd long since given up chasing after them after their
motorcycle disappeared from the radar entirely. But, he couldn't help
but notice a car coming towards him in his rearview mirror. Wait, there
couldn't be anyone else here. This was a barren wasteland, after all. He
stopped his car to see what it was. The only problem was that he did it
too suddenly while the car was getting closer and closer. The car drove
up to them and suddenly stopped, nearly crashing.
"Who's there?" Kansho said aggressively.
It was Gosu and Chitsu.
"Phew, that was close!" Chitsu said. "Why did that guy stop short?"
gonna give him a piece of my mind!" Gosu said. He stepped out of the
car. Kansho was startled – the hair, the clothes – it was the kid who
robbed the village! He came to him!
"Hey, who do you think you are? We could've crashed, you know!" Gosu said.
"It's you!" Kansho exclaimed.
"What?" Gosu asked. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
"You were the guy who robbed my village! Well, I'm going to make you pay – give us our money back!" Kansho proclaimed.
"Oh, so I was right. They did send someone after us. Well, sorry about the money, I've already spent it all." Gosu said.
dare you! Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to send you and your friend
back to our village whether you're conscious or not." Kansho said.
"Look, I really don't want trouble." Gosu said. "I just want your Dragon Ball."
"Dragon ball?" Kansho asked.
was intrigued. He stepped out the car. "You're the second person to ask
me about these Dragon-whatever-balls. What are they?"
Gosu pointed at the orange ball with six stars hanging from Kansho's rearview mirror.
"Oh, so it is that." Yakimo said. "Why do you want it?"
you have to ask, you'll never know." Gosu said with a smirk on his
face. Yakimo was so angered at his attitude that he ran up to Gosu and
kicked him in the shin.
Gosu bent down to hold his leg. "Ow! What the fuck was that for?"
stuck his tongue out at Gosu. Gosu was pissed, and he got all up in
Yakimo's face. Their foreheads and noses were touching and they were
both grating their teeth. Chitsu stepped out the car.
"Guys, guys, don't you think you should all turn the aggression down?" She said.
Kansho was surprised. He had forgotten that the second person was a girl. And she was cute, too. Oh, who cares, he quickly thought.
I don't care about these Dragon Balls or whatever. But, that doesn't
mean that I'll actually give it to you. Prepare to fight, if you don't
want to get hurt." Kansho said as he got into a fighting stance.
Gosu responded in kind. "Heh, you think you can scare me? I live for this shit!"
"You're making a big mistake, kid." Kansho said.
that all you men think about – fighting?" Chitsu complained. "Geez,
these things would blow over so much quicker if you just talked it out!"
stop bitchi-" Before he could even finish the sentence, Kansho ran
towards him and punched him in the face. Gosu was rubbing his cheeks.
"Hey, that wasn't fair!" He did get caught off guard, after all.
"There's no such thing as fair in a fight, kid!" Kansho said.
smirked. "Well, now that we've established the 'rules,'" Gosu ran at
him and poked him in the eye, and then punched him in the nose. Kansho
wailed like a little girl.
"OWWWWWWW!" He screamed. "YOU COULD'VE
BROKEN MY NOSE!" He let go of his nose, which was beet red at this
point. His expression changed from one of pain to one of anger. "That's
it, the gloves are off now!" Kansho got into a fighting pose and yelled,
"HAWK'S CLAW!" (As you can already tell, I have trouble coming with
attack names. Anybody have any suggestions?) Kansho charged at him with
an open palm with his fingers bent, and then struck Gosu in the stomach,
clawing his hands into his stomach. The pain jolted from Gosu's stomach
to the rest of his body, causing him to double over. Then, while he was
down, Kansho hit him with a rapid-fire barrage of punches, finishing it
off with an open palm strike to the face, sending Gosu flying into the
hood of the car. Panko decided it was the best to get out.
"Gosu!" Chitsu yelled.
That was all too easy." Kansho bragged. Then, he turned his attention
to Chitsu. "Don't worry, girl, I won't bring you any harm, as long as
you do one thing…"
Kansho suddenly got nervous and struggled to speak.
"Well?" Chitsu asked.
"Will…you…go out…on a…date…with me?" He said, practically sounding like a little kid.
"Are you serious?" Chitsu said. "Here you are trying to act like some badass and now you're doing this!"
Yakimo was embarrassed. "Dammit, Kansho' why do you always do this?"
desperate little fucker!" Gosu said out of nowhere. He got up and
kicked Kansho in the face. "That was some attack you had there, you
almost knocked me out! But now it's time for me to take care of this
little game!" Gosu ran at Kansho and punched him repeatedly in the
stomach. Then, he gave him an uppercut and an elbow to the face. Then,
Gosu choked him with his tail and used it to swing around him and kicked
him in the face, sending him into a rock.
"Hey, that's not fair you used your tail!" Kansho complained. "Wait a minute, you have a tail?"
"Hey, I thought you said there's no rules." Gosu taunted.
Kansho got to his feet. "You're some kind of freak!"
"Yeah, I hear that a lot." Gosu said. "This is getting dull."
was out of ideas. Then, he eyed Yakimo. He had a cheap idea in hand.
Yakimo eyed back and then jumped on Gosu. Gosu was so surprised he
didn't know how to react and then Yakimo held him down.
"Get 'im bro!" He yelled. Kansho walked up and started punching Gosu in the face. Gosu wanted to spit on him.
"You're just a punk!" Chitsu said. "I would never go out with you!"
was devastated. But he didn't let that get in the way of his assault.
He continued punching Gosu. Panko realized this was a sticky situation,
so he did the only thing he thought it would work. He jumped on Kansho
and started licking his face like a true dog.
"Quick, Gosu, get
the Dragon ball!" He yelled. Gosu kicked Yakimo in the nuts, jumped in
the car and took the Dragon Ball from the rearview mirror. Kansho threw
Panko off him.
"Dammit! You cheated!" He complained.
"I cheated?" Gosu replied. "Well, that's the pot calling the kettle black, huh?"
"I'll send you back to my village one way or another!" Kansho said.
really?" Gosu pulled a set of keys out of his pocket. "I took your
keys, too! You're stuck here!" Chitsu stuck her tongue out at them and
stepped into the car.
"I'd like to sit here and chat, but I've got
Dragon Balls to collect!" Gosu said as him and Panko stepped into the
car. Chitsu turned the car around, and then Gosu peered out of the
window and flipped them off as they drove off. However, Yakimo looked to
get the last laugh. He pulled out another dart from his pocket and
threw it at their tire, making a direct hit. Chitsu kept driving, but
then the car stopped and started spinning around.
"What the hell
just happened?" She yelled. Gosu stepped out of the car and examined it.
He found the offender of this situation – a flat tire. He saw the dart
and pulled it out.
"That little fuckboy threw a dart at our tire!" Gosu said.
Chitsu and Panko stepped out the car. "Are you serious?" Chitsu said.
"Hey, you're gonna have to pay for this!" Panko said. "You messed up my fuckin' car you little shit!"
"Hey, I'm not a fuckboy!" Yakimo snapped back.
"Calm down, little brother." Kansho said. "That was smart thinking on your part, though. Now you guys are stuck here, too!"
Gosu was pissed. "Goddammit, we always have to have something interrupting this fucking search! Oh well, it's not like I'm giving you guys your keys back. You're still stuck here with us!"
was a delicate situation. Now, Gosu, Chitsu, and Panko were stuck in
the wasteland with their newfound rivals. But Gosu knew that he was
going to make those two regret the day they decided to mess with them.
Gosu grabbed a twig and drew a line in the ground.
"I just drew a line. You two have that side, we have this side." He declared.
"And what will you do if I step over the line?" Kansho inquired.
"Well, I'll kick your ass again." Gosu said dryly.
"You wish!" Yakimo said.
"Hey, I just remembered, you still have the house capsule, right Chitsu?" Gosu asked.
I almost completely forgot!" Chitsu pulled the capsule from her pocket.
"Yup, here it is!" She threw it to the ground, and indeed, a House came
from it. Kansho and Yakimo were dumbfounded.
"Well, screw you guys, I'm going home!" Gosu said as he stepped into the house, flipping them off.
"Crap, those guys have a house? We'll get them for that!" Yakimo said.
won't be in there forever. They'll try to leave eventually." Kansho
said. "And I'm interested in these Dragon ball things they're talking
Things had now gotten tense. Gosu, Chitsu, Panko, Yakimo,
and Kansho were all stuck in the wasteland. How were they going to stand
each other? The tension will HAVE to explode eventually. And what about
Lord Teba and the gang? Don't miss the next chapter of Dragon Ball NG!
Previous Episode - Dragon Ball NG Chapter 6: This World Sure Does Have A Lot of Talking Animals, doesn't it?
Next Episode - Dragon Ball NG Chapter 8: Complete King Elefonto's Castle